I Got a Virus!!!

I Got a Virus!!!
Nelson Hernandez
Everyone knows about computer viruses, right? You know how to avoid them, and what will happen if you get one. But what if you suddenly contracted a computer virus? What would happen, and how would it affect you.
Well, a man by the name Mark Gasson was successful in implanting a small radio frequency identification micro chip under his skin. The really cool thing is that he can use this micro chip to control things like his cell phone, so that if anyone were to steal his phone, it would automatically stop working, because it only works for him. Another thing he can so is open secured remote doors. All he has to do is wave his hand and any mechanical door will unlock and open. He can also pass his virus to any computer he wants as he pleases. Researchers say this technology can be applied in a lot of ways, such as implanted binocular eyes for improved vision. Soon, everyone will have computers inside of their bodies to enhance their abilities and improve their lifestyles.

Vaccines Quit for You

Vaccines Quit for You
Nelson Hernandez III

People who have problems with smoking cigarettes usually have a problem quitting their addiction. Recently, a new vaccine has been undergoing clinical trials to prove effective in helping people quit their smoking addictions. Basically, the person receives a vaccination, injected by needle, of course. Whenever the person smokes, the vaccine, called “NicVAX”, makes antibodies that attach themselves to the nicotine molecules. The antibodies prevent the nicotine from getting to the brain. Because the nicotine can’t get to the brain, the usual stimulation of the cigarette is gone which makes the smoker loose interest, and eventually stop smoking. The vaccine lasts for several months, to prevent relapse. Clinical trials are not expected to end soon, but the outcome is worth the wait.

Robots Taking Over

Robots Taking Over
Nelson Hernandez III


Have you ever been to a wedding? Have you ever been to a wedding were a robot was conducting the ceremony? Well recently, an ass in Tokyo was married by their very own robot. This robot was created by a company in Japan called “Kokoro Co.” which is one of the main leaders in robotics and technology. This is the first case of something like this happening, but is sure to start happening more and more often as technology advances. The need for a religious official conducting the ceremony will soon be gone, being replaced, by robots.

Computers Understand Your Feelings

Computers Understand Your Feelings
Nelson Hernandez III

Have you ever been irritated by a customer service representative? Most Americans know the feeling of this happening to them when they have questions about their new electronics and other products. Well thanks to this new invention, the representatives can now sense your anger through the phone. What this new product does, is send the person on the other end of the line messages that detect your emotions. With this, the customer service person knows how you are feeling, and therefore can assist you further. Hopefully, this new product actually helps you get off the phone faster, and gets you on your product sooner.

Night Vision on Your Cell

Night Vision on Your Cell
Nelson Hernandez III

Sick and tired of not being able to see in your dark house in the middle of the night? Well soon, the technology that helps undercover agents in the military will soon be available on average cell phones. This ability is accomplished my small, paper thin layers of film that create the image that allows you to see in the dark. However, this technology isn’t just stopping with cellular phones. It is highly anticipated that this new night vision system will soon be applied to eyeglasses, and even car windshields. This would be a very useful product that would help change the lives of people who need it.

Pac-Man

Pac-Man
Nelson Hernandez III


Pac-Man. One of the longest living games of all time. This classical game is over fifty years old and still dwells in the lives of people across the nation. The main objective of Pac-Man is to collect all the glowing pellets on the level, and avoid being killed by the magical ghosts. However, you can still eat the ghosts if you get a power up, and prevent them from eating you first. This game never ends and only gets harder the farther you progress through the game making it appealing to some, and disheartening to others. This game remains one of the most popular and oldest games of all time, and will be remembered as such.

Bunnies Can Kill!

Bunnies Can Kill!
Nelson Hernandez III

Did you know that some bunnies have toxins in them that can poison your family? Specifically the kind that live under your couches and beds. They are made of dust and are very dirty.
In case you haven’t guessed it, I’m talking about dust bunnies. Recent studies show of these bunnies containing awful toxins like arsenic, and even led.
These harmful poisons are brought in from the outside word, were they settle in houses and are later ingested by unsuspecting people.
People are at risk against being poisoned, so to avoid being harmed by these hazardous bunnies, scientist suggest cleaning under surfaces more often, and keeping small children away from the dirty dust bunnies.

Food Fumes

Food Fumes
Nelson Hernandez III



Some of the food that you eat can be bad for you. But who would have guessed that the fumes they produce can be too? Studies show that the smoke generated from cooking un-healthy foods such as burgers or french-fries, could be potentially hazardous to your health. Smoke from the cooking of various foods contains particles that have been scientifically proven to be cancerous. These particles pollute the air, and make it dirty, and discussing. A study showed that the hotspots for these pollution emissions were coming mostly from local burger joints, and fast food restaurants. Although many large fast food chains have changed the way they filter these fumes, many still are poisoning the public with the deadly smoke. To keep yourself safe from these emissions, you should you should bake or steam your food, instead of broiling of deep-frying your food.
These emissions can be life threatening your health, so steer clear of the places of these fatty fumes to avoid being poisoned by the awful gasses.

Apps Clean Up Cities

Apps Clean Up Cities
Nelson Hernandez III


Have you ever walked in to a development and seen how much of a dump it was? Have you ever seen trash in the middle of the street in your local city? How about someone on tahe side of a building selling illegal drugs or painting graffiti in broad daylight? Well with this new application, you can help clean it up. All you do, is click on the icon, and snap a picture of anything incriminating or dirty that you wish to inform local law enforcement about, such as trash and graffiti. Then, the application sends the photo, and automatically notifies city hall, were they will do their best to solve the problem. This app is extremely useful in helping local communities become a better place for people to live, and know that their environment is a safe one, thanks to this app.

Tobacco Sucks Scum

Tobacco Sucks Scum
Nelson Hernandez III

Biologically engineered tobacco plants are given the ability to suck the toxins right out from the dirtiest ponds thanks to researchers and scientist. The plants can detoxify all sorts of bad things. The plants get this power from implanted genes that the scientists put in. These genes produce antibodies, which bind to the toxins. By binding to the toxins, the toxins become less dangerous, and become less harmful to the environment. This technique can also be used to safely remove all sorts’ environmental pollutants and hazards. This is a great way to remove hazardous pollutants that hurt our planet, but this method is sure to help the process of detoxification.

Probes Smell Mars

Probes Smell Mars
Nelson Hernandez III

After NASA announced that their probe was not ready to launch, scientist figured that they could work on an experimental project while they fixed the probe’s landing gear. They decided that by the time it was due to launch in 2011, the probe would be able smell.
The scientist who designed this feature intended it to mainly detect carbon. If they could find carbon on Mars, it could lead to the biological source creating the carbon. If it turns out that this experimental project is successful, we could find biological organisms on Mars.
What if scientist actually found life on Mars? This would be an excellent discovery, and could prove promising in future research. Just think of all of the things we could learn from them. What if they were sentient beings and had all sorts of new and exciting technology? The outcome is endless but we can only hope for the best.

Killer Whale

Killer Whale
Nelson Hernandez III

Recently, a trainer working at SeaWorld, Orlando Florida was killed by a male killer whale in front of a live audience. Everyone was stunned. A live person was killed in front of their eyes. This particular whale is from the wild. It was not raised in captivity, which explains a lot. If is a wild animal, what is it doing in a performance? This whale was usually used for breeding purposes, and often kept in isolation. Another whale killed a trainer under similar circumstances. This isn’t the first time this has happened. The whale has actually killed several trainers in the past. SeaWorld shouldn’t have completely wild animals with the potential to kill. You can never forget when dealing with wild animals that they won’t hurt you. Once a wild animal, always a wild animal, and should be treated as such.

Mutated Child Eats Animal Organs and Other Biological Items

Mutated Child Eats Animal Organs and Other Biological Items
Nelson Hernandez III

Recently, a mutated child, attending Cab Calloway School of the Arts, was found in a storage closet, eating cow intestines. Why he does this, we don’t know, but we intend to find out.
Philip Paverd, the mutated child with a third arm, told us:
“I like chicken and pizza with cat eyes on top with buffalo ears and horse noses on the side with dolphin tails and chicken.
Nelson Hernandez III, the journalist interviewing the mutated child was soon infected by the insane child, after he bit his face, and stabbed his ear with a spork.
They now are infecting the rest of the American population, so it is advised to run in circles and scream like an infant, but it is also suggested to kill as many infected as you can before they kill you.

New Medicine Heals Eyesight

New Medicine Heals Eyesight
Nelson Hernandez III

Scientist at the Southern Technical United Population Investigation Discoverers (S.T.U.P.I.D.) has been researching the causes of eye related ailments, such as blindness. So far, they have discovered a new optical solution in the form of a tablet. The drug has healed many of its patients including the world famous Nelson Hernandez III

“This stuff is gangsta yo hommie! I took da medicine, and den I feeled better yo!”
-Nelson Hernandez III

“This awesome guy has been healed threw the power of the medicine, and you can too!”
-ASDF HDFGHD, President of the S.T.U.P.I.D.

This is a revolutionary product, and if you have an optical ailment, I suggest getting some of this immediately, because you need your eyes to work to the best of their abilty to succede at many things in life like bird watching and looking for people to beat up. It is recomended to everyone with eye related problems,but should not be used more than once per day, due to many reports of missing eyes for people who use this product more than once per day.

PC Comes to Life and Eats Small Family of Nachos

PC Comes to Life and Eats Small Family of Nachos
Nelson Hernandez III

Recently, a small family of nachos was taking a vacation to the Himalayas, when their personal computer came to life, and ate every last one of them.
It was a normal day when it attacked, but was provoked when the family started talking about the PC’s mom.
“Yo mama so ugly, she got eight gigs of ram!” The youngest one said.
“Yo mama so slow, she lags worse than an elephant!” The father said.
“Yo mama so stupid, she’s stupid!” The sickly grandmother said.
The PC lost all control. It transformed faster than Optimus Prime, and grew to epic proportions. It grabbed some cheese, and dumped it all on the family of nachos, and started to jump on them. He then proceeded to set them on fire, and eat them until they died.
If you see anything suspicious that may lead us to bringing this deranged PC to justice, call: 1800-NOT-REAL

Little Big Planet

Everyone knows about this game. Everyone. Everyone with a soul knows about this game. Little Big Planet is an exciting, good looking game that the whole family can enjoy. I can honestly recommend it to anyone who likes fun filled games and has a good imagination. You play as a little sack person that collects all sorts a cool things as you progress through each individual stage. You can unlock new outfits that you can use to customize your little person, and make him look amazing. In addition to that, you play through an array of awesome, creative, and colorful storyline of fun and adventure.

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
By Nelson Hernandez III
Everyone has been waiting for this game for a long time now, and it has finally been released for us all to enjoy. This is the sequel to another “hit” game, Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare. In this game, you fight your way to complete tactical missions and save the world from yet another disaster from the constant waves of terrorists and bad guys. In addition to the awesome storyline campaign, you also have bonus missions that you can do called Special Ops. In Special Ops, you can do bonus missions from the original storyline. Also you have the multiplayer mode which allows you to play with your friends or by yourself in online matches. This game is great. The graphics are phenomenal, the game play and storyline are fantastic, and there is a massive variety of weapons. A lot of work was put into this game, and the wait was worth it.